My calendar is sadly devoid of any fun law firm events this summer. Honestly, I don't know why big law firms aren't inviting me to their summer shindigs. Is it because partners are afraid that I might describe how they look in their bathing suits?

Anyway, I've managed to cobble together some tidbits on what big firm lawyers are doing this summer:

Skadden partner beats banker in the Hamptons. Forget everything I said about how lawyers at big firms are poor cousins to those in finance. Some Big Law partners can cream Wall Streeters when it comes to Hamptons real estate.

The scoop from The New York Times: Both retired Skadden partner Matthew Mallow and Citibank executive Chad Leat are hosting fund-raising parties for Obama's reelection at their respective Hampton homes this summer. (Alas, Obama won't go near that .01 percent enclave, and both hosts have to settle for Joe Biden. Snore.) According to the New York Post, Mallow will be cohosting his party with Nathan Lane, and James Taylor will provide the music.

Here's the punchline: Mallow's house (on left) is valued at $32.5 million, while Leat's is at a lowly $2.2 million! I can only assume that Mallow's house is in the estate section of Bridgehampton close to the ocean, while Leat's is in the "north of the highway" territory where no A-lister would be caught dead.

I actually think it's kind of refreshing that a lawyer is beating out a banker in real estate. Gives me hope for the future. Now, may I please get an invite to cover the event, Mr. Mallow?

Quinn Emanuel doesn't do the normal summer outing. Forget the beach party at the Hamptons. Forget drinks on the terrace of the country club. That's just too pedestrian.

As every Big Law groupie knows, Quinn likes active get-togethers, like its famous overnight wilderness hikes. This summer, Quinn's hike took place in the Canadian Rockies. Here's how one participant summed up this year's hike to Above the Law's Elie Mystal: "Quinn’s summer retreat 3 day hike in Canada ended with 4 people being heli lifted out. 2 summers and 2 associates. Only one with a knee injury."

Whoa—did you catch that—four people had to be airlifted out? That's like something out of an Indiana Jones movie. Or an American Express commercial. Much more impressive than driving some drunk partner back to his apartment on Park Avenue in your Volvo.