Vivia, this doesn't make any sense. The example Slaughter uses is how a bunch of men were uncomfortable even voicing a desire for more flexibility and more balance, even though they wanted it. And you say you don't buy it because men don't say they do?

The issue is not neccessarily craving a work/life balance but the ability to ATTAIN one in this ultra-competitive job market. Many men and women work probably crave a work life balance but may believe it is hard to ATTAIN one in this job market and because their bosses and/or culture of the firm is not geared to that possibility

If you really want to see what men do when they don't have to live with the contrast between their own lives and the duties and expectations imposed on women, then look at same-sex couples.

I know lots of lesbian or gay couples who are raising children. Some have one job, some two. But regardless, they are not all that different from different-sex couples of goodwill who struggle to balance fairly, and end up (if they're lucky) with each working hard in the different ways that are their personal forte.

If an opposite-sex marriage isn't working out that way, then it ought to look to same-sex couples for guidance as to what sacrifices and favors a spouse needs to accept for it to work.

For the last ten years I have regularly counseled male associates at firms (and a few partners as well) on career options that allow for a better, if imperfect, work/life balance.

British male speaking.

The issue here is often - and this may be the same with you - at a lower level of employment than Big Law. Where the nature of the work is such that regular weekend or night work is involved it causes deep and proper resentment if people, mostly women, with child- or elder-care responsibilities are not required to work their equal share of them.

It used to be said that men should get more for the same work than women because "their pay feeds more mouths". Now we need to grasp that everyone's private life is of equal value, however they spend their leisure hours.

I am in my mid 50s. Our child is now 25. We tried the dual income route but it proved impossible and lacked any quality. We made a decision after 2 years that I would be Ozzie and she would be Harriett. We drove old Hondas and lived modestly. For us, it worked well but as a result I was never the one to seek a "work/life balance." Today I am not sure it is possible for most to survive on one person's income unless a drastic change to lifestyle is accepted.

This is a fascinating issue. Speaking from my own experience, I can only say that on the one hand, en with children do, like women, want to spend more time with their kids. On the other hand, many men, myself included, also have a built in "hunter gatherer" instinct. This dates back thousands of years, and the changes in society in the last 30 years are taking time for both sexes to adapt, and humans don't generally adapt that fast in evolutionary terms.

Many men in my family assumed I had him "whipped" until I explained that I'm out of the house 12 hours day, and that this was the best way for us both to enjoy clean clothes and a full pantry. A man who chooses to do the housework is still looked upon with suspicion.

Some of it comes down to dollars and cents. I work in the public sector in a job that pays much less but has a much more flexible take on work life balance than when I was at a private firm. Why? Because when it came time to have kids my husband's income outpaced mine by more than 25%. He would have loved to be more available, but financially it just was not possible. Had I been the one making more money, then he would have been the one home more with the kids.

I have found that public sector attorneys are just as dedicated and hard working as those in the private sector. Maybe even more so because they appreciate being able to be at school events, family dinners and actually be active participants in their kids lives. They give 150% when they are working. Plus without the pressure to bill; just to get the work done... they are often more efficient than their private sector counterparts.

As a legal recruiter from a well-respected firm in NYC, I can tell you with complete certainty that most men do, in fact, crave a work-life balance. Women do, too - because they're also human.

My husband and I have both have busy careers, and we share the household work equally. I tend to run all the errands because he hates them. He does most of the cooking during the week, although I plan the meals and do the grocery shopping. He is the kitchen clean-up guy and deals with the dishwasher. We have to coordinate our schedules and travel to make sure one of us is home by 6:00 p.m. each night to let the dogs out. We take turns working from home or taking time off if we are having work done at the house. Work life balance is easily as important to him as it is to me.

I can't speak for men, generally. I haven't conducted a survey. But I can tell you that I crave work/life balance and quality time with my family. I have had to make sacrifices at home and at work. My family has been understanding and supportive, my employers less so.

A couple years ago, I used to leave work twice a week at 5:20 p.m. so I could attend my son's baseball games. My boss was incensed by my "lack of commitment," and I suffered professionally for it. Eventually, I decided that for the sake of my career, I could no long take my kids to after-school sporting events. Since my wife also works, that meant the end of after-school sports for my kids.

I try to make it up to them on weekends and before and after work. For example, I help my daughter practice piano for 10 minutes every morning before her school bus arrives. My wife and I help her with her homework whenever one or the other of us can get home before her bedtime (sometimes neither of us can).

My career and my wife's career have suffered as a result of our commitment to work/life balance. We recognize that that's not anyone's fault--it's just the way the world works. We all make choices, and then we live with the consequences.

I miss the majority of my children's plays, open houses, etc. due to work demands. But I go when I can. Years ago, someone asked me, "At the end of your life, which are you more likely to regret, that you didn't spend enough time with your family, or that you didn't spend enough time at work?" For me, the answer is easy. What I find difficult is the thought that I could spend more time with my family if I only had the imagination to know how.

I am a junior associate at a big NYC law firm and I will be able to take a full paid month of paternity leave (baby on the way). This was a perk we were strongly urged to take advantage of by partners. I know it's not standard everywhere, but it is happening more and more.

"Slaughter argues that men are trapped by stereotypes just as much as women." Can't agree more. My husband works from home and has less demanding hours than I do. He does all the housework, shopping, yardwork, laundry, and cat care. Many men in my family assumed I had him "whipped" until I explained that I'm out of the house 12 hours day, and that this was the best way for us both to enjoy clean clothes and a full pantry. A man who chooses to do the housework is still looked upon with suspicion.

In 1994, I took paternity leave because our third child had a medical problem and had to be cared for at home. It was the year before the firm's vote on whether I became a partner. I made partner without a delay, but only one man (his wife had triplets) out of hundreds has taken paternity leave since (he also made partner). My routine before being an empty nester was to be responsible for the kids in the morning (my wife had to be at the hospital early most days (and home by 6:00, often working after the kids went to bed or while they did their homework. Men can do it, but I guess most either don't want to spend that much daily time with their kids or are not willing to be different.

Hear hear. Couldn't agree more.