I take it all back.

A few weeks ago, I proposed that Big Law take on Donald Trump as a pro bono client for his upcoming impeachment trial. My logic was simple: The former president faces major legal troubles and he seemed wholly incapable of landing decent legal help. Besides, we all know he tends to skip out on paying his legal bills so why not just give him free counsel for the sake of the republic?

Of course, it was a tongue-in-cheek proposal—though some indignant readers took it literally—but I was also making a point: Impeachment is serious business and it calls for serious lawyers on all sides—not the kind of bozos (e.g., Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, Lin Wood and Jenna Ellis) that have been floating in Trump’s orbit. I feared that if the buffoons took over his defense, the proceedings would devolve into mockery.

Silly me. What was I thinking? It’s going to be a circus anyway. So let’s bring in the clowns!

I know we’ve all been chuckling at Trump’s legal ventures. His search for legal help is like some version of “The Bachelorette” in which he’s cast as the undesirable suitor. Those loyalists who  eagerly represented him in his first impeachment—Jay Sekulow, Ken Starr, Pat Cipollone—are now turning him down. And you know his prospects are really dim when Alan Dershowitz and Giuliani are reluctant to sign on. For a brief moment, though, Sen. Lindsey Graham successfully played matchmaker, pairing Trump with five South Carolina lawyers led by Butch Bowers and Deborah Barbier—only to have that relationship blow up two weeks before the impeachment proceedings.

It’s been a bumpy ride but Trump has finally found The One: former Montgomery County, Pennsylvania, District Attorney Bruce L. Castor Jr., who’s best known for refusing to prosecute Bill Cosby. Castor and his cohort David Schoen recently filed a response to the impeachment charges—and if that work product is any indication, they show promise of being mediocre and sloppy lawyers. For starters, their response was full of typos, making them the butt of countless jokes. They probably won’t pass muster in Big Law, but they’re good enough to serve our ex-president.

But before we get all snotty about the quality of Trump’s lawyers, remember this: It really doesn’t matter.

We all know how this will play out. The impeachment lawyers on the side of the Dems will work their asses off (by all accounts Barry Berke and Joshua Matz are top-notch) and present a formidable case. But in the end, it won’t make a dent in Trump’s armor.

Actually, you don’t even have to wait for the ending. Already, 45 out of 50 Republican senators voted to support a measure that called the trial unconstitutional on the theory that a former president can’t be impeached—though most legal scholars disagree.

Like it matters what scholars think. Or anyone else. Truth is, Trump could trot out the QAnon shaman as his advocate, make “Green Eggs and Ham” the centerpiece of his defense, and it won’t change a damn thing.

Frankly, it’d be more honest if we let the proceedings devolve into a circus. A sort of Grand Guignol. Trot out Giuliani as the grand marshal of the impeachment show. Dress the former mayor in a top hat and red coat with tails, carrying a cracklin’ whip. Let him ramble on incoherently about voter fraud and rigged elections, then introduce other loonies like Powell to talk about voting machines with secret algorithms that manipulate votes. And for good measure, Sen. Ted Cruz and Sen. Josh Hawley can pirouette across the Senate floor, chanting “stolen election,” as they vie for attention.

The climax, of course, would be an appearance by Trump himself, dressed as an aggrieved emperor—maybe Caesar—arriving at the Capitol in a Ben Hur-style chariot.

Over the top? Totally. But if the impeachment is a farce, why not play it to the hilt? Why give it the semblance of a serious proceeding? You might wonder, as I do now, if it’s wise to go forward with this impeachment at all.

“The principle of holding people accountable for their actions is generally sound,” George Will wrote recently in the Washington Post. (Can you believe I’m quoting Will again?) “But high-minded rhetoric about enforcing ‘accountability’ on Trump ignores the fact that neither his reputation nor his future political salience hinges on the Senate impeachment trial.”

In other words, Trump will be acquitted and he will claim vindication. Bet on it. That also means he’ll be free to run for president in 2024 or beyond. And the next time, his running mate won’t be milquetoast Mike Pence. It will be Marjorie Taylor Greene, QAnon’s darling and Trump’s heir apparent.

It’s theater of the absurd—carried to its logical conclusion.

Email: vchen@alm.com. On Twitter: @lawcareerist